Raising kids, without a doubt, is the toughest yet most fulfilling job in the world. The job gets even tougher when it’s about single parenting. Ask any single black mother and she will tell you, single parenting is both an art and a science. There is a silver lining to being a single mom. Fortunately, most black single moms gain self confidence in their ability to handle all the challenges; of course a little help from those who mean well sure makes the task less daunting, and their children are also found to be more independent and determined.
As a single black mother, the sole responsibility to raise your children falls upon you. You will have to take up the responsibility of shaping your child’s behaviour and help them learn how to make good choices in their day-to-day life. Here are five strategies to help you get started.
Praise your boys
When you genuinely praise your black boys, it impacts their delicate minds in a positive and powerful way. It builds their self esteem and motivates them to do what is good. Regardless of how tough your black boys may appear, they crave for your approval and acknowledgment of their achievements.
Develop a firm and serious tone of voice
Yelling and raising your voice will only drive your children away. They may simply tune you out. Instead use a firm and serious tone to show you are not pleased. This kind of tone is especially effective when you are issuing a warning.
Children misbehave because they don’t know what is right or what is wrong or what can potentially harm them. It is your duty to draw a boundary to tell them what is acceptable and what will not be appreciated. Setting boundaries is also an effective way to reinforce your expectation and send message to your kids that you know what your kids are capable of doing.
Find ways to free yourself so that you can spend more quality time with your boys and have some positive interactions. For example you can order pizza on Friday nights to have more time together or when you are not so focused on cooking or cleaning.
Don’t parent out of guilt
Regardless of whether you are single because of divorce, death or any other reason, it is important that you get past “feeling sorry” for your child. There is no denial from the fact that your boys are going through difficult time, but that doesn’t mean they will not be able to flourish and be happy. Some of the most successful people have had to overcome the most difficult and painful pasts. If the going gets tough, read the biography of people who have been through similar situations to keep focus, for example Oprah Winfrey.